Hello and welcome to Yogfart's Cthulhian Nightmare page. Yogfart Cthulhu the hamster is a creature of nightmare proportions. Although we named him before we realized his true nature, we made a good choice....
The story begins on a dark and stormy night some time in September of 1999. Brian and Michelle had recently purchased their new pet, with all the trimmings - a nice new home called the Park Avenue apartments, a hamster motorcycle and food and bedding.
Because they had cats, Michelle and Brian decided to keep young yogfarticus in the bedroom with them (every time the cats would see Yogfart their eyes would dilate enormously and they would start licking their lips). Little did they know that moving him into the bedroom had been Yogfart's plan all along!!
Late in that first night Brian and Michelle were aroused from sleep by the interminable sound of a rotating hamster wheel - around and around and around and around -- never ceasing. So Brian decided he would fix the damn hamster and proceeded to lock him in the top part of his cage (with little doors that come specifically for this purpose). A short time later, Yogfart moved to phase B of his hideous plan - he started chewing on the hard plastic doors that kept him imprisoned -- crack, crack, crack, crack - enough to wake the dead.
Now Brian came up with a bold plan. He would let Yogfart into the lower part of the cage where the wheel is situated but would tape the wheel up so that it wouldn't turn. But Yogfart was far smarter. When he discovered his wheel had been taped, he moved to plan C - chewing on his cage bars -- clang, clang, clang.
It was time for some radical action. By now it was 2am and everybody was wondering if they were going to get any sleep at all. So Brian and Michelle moved Yogfart to the bathroom. The only problem with this plan is that the cats can push the bathroom door open - so using an extension cord, Brian tied the door shut. Finally thinking they had solved the problem, Brian and Michelle went back to bed.
But Yogfart, using his evil powers of animal magnetism, entranced the cats causing them to literally crash against the bathroom door in attempts to get in to be with their new evil master -- thump, thump, thump, and if you knew Thalamus, you would know that when she wants to get in somewhere she has the weight to do it. Brian came back out of the bedroom to find the bathroom door partially open, but fortunately in time to stop the cats from entering.
So in a final act of desperation, Brian locked Yogfart in one of the closets for the night. Well ofcourse this was Yogfarts plan all along - because everybody knows that evil creatures of the night lurk in dark closets - so he was right at home, having mastered two cats and two humans.